Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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