Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
