dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My life is pants optional.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
