I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
