he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
