I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
