1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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