Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
