Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
