I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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