im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
zippers are such a cool invention
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
