Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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