Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
