We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
