so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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