Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize