it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
