What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize