Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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