I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
