Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
