He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
