We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
