it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
