I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
