Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
