Midget sex pt 2 tonight
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
