Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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