pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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