i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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