I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
