i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
