every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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