The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
