I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
