i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
