I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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