Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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