Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My feet surprised me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize