woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
