addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
