wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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