wrigley field is MILF paradise
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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