; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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