I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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