After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
