break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize