so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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