I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
