my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
