I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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