i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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