He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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