Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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