I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
