Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
