Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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