all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
