please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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