I cockslap morals
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
