Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
