ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
