dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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