apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
