Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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