Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
