so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
