i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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