I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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